


Random Batfam fics

by NephandEli



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Nightwing (Comics), Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Medieval, At the moment, Gen, How Do I Tag, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Random & Short, Screenplay/Script Format, bby Dickie, only one though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-18 22:28:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22300870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NephandEli/pseuds/NephandEli
Summary: These are a series of random AI generated Batfam fics. Most are pretty weird.Enjoy, we guess.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd, Tim Drake/Jason Todd (implied)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	1. Dick Grayson and the Four Red Robins

**Author's Note:**

> This was some random thing Eli and I were messing with and decided to post them so others could read them.  
> All of these were generated by an AI and slightly tweaked by Neph.
> 
> Link to generator: https://www.plot-generator.org.uk

**Dick Grayson and the Four Red Robins**

A Fairy Tale

by NephandAli

Once upon a time there was a brave boy called Dick Grayson. He was on the way to see his adoptive father Bruce Wayne, when he decided to take a short cut through Gotham Park.

It wasn't long before Dick got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, Damibird, but Damibird was nowhere to be found! Dick began to panic. He felt sure he had packed Damibird. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, he saw a red robin dressed in a blue shirt disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought Dick.

For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed robin. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, Dick reached a clearing. He found himself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from potatoes, a house made from biscuits, a house made from lollies, a house made from ice creams and a house made from lollipops.

Dick could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.

"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

Dick looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving Dick a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Damibird!

"Damibird!" shouted Dick. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give Damibird back!" cried Dick.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let Damibird out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, four red robins rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Dick recognised the one in the blue shirt that he'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.

"Hello Big Robin," said the witch.

"Good morning." The robin noticed Damibird. "Who is this?"

"That's Damibird," explained the witch.

"Ooh! Damibird would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the robin.

The witch shook her head. "Damibird is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." Dick interrupted. "Damibird lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Robin ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Robin looked at the house made from lollipops and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from lollipops if I wanted to."

"That's nothing," said the next robin. "I could eat two houses."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Damibird."

Dick watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give Damibird to Big Robin. He didn't think Damibird would like living with a red robin, away from his house and all his other toys.

The other three robins watched while Big Robin put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Robin. "Just you watch!"

Big Robin pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from biscuits. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Eventually, Big Robin started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of biscuits, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Robin.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Robin never finished eating the front door made from biscuits and Damibird remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Average Robin stepped up, and approached the house made from lollies.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Robin. "Just you watch!"

Average Robin pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from lollies. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After a while, Average Robin started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...

...and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not a bush, I'm a robin!" said Average Robin.

"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."

"No! Wait!" cried Average Robin, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the robin away under his arm.

Average Robin never finished eating the front door made from lollies and Damibird remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Little Robin stepped up, and approached the house made from ice creams.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Robin. "Just you watch!"

Little Robin pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from ice creams. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After five or six platefuls, Little Robin started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.

He stopped eating ice creams for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.

But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Robin into the sky.

"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Robin. "I'm scared of heigh..."

Little Robin was never seen again.

Little Robin never finished eating the front door made from ice creams and Damibird remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Tiny Robin stepped up, and approached the house made from lollipops.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Tiny Robin. "Just you watch!"

Tiny Robin pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from lollipops. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

However, on the next mouthful, the food fell straight out of Tiny Robin's mouth. She tried to stuff in another forkful of lollipops, but once again, the food fell out. There just wasn't enough room left in her belly.

"This is just not fair!" declared Tiny Robin, and stomped off into the forest.

Tiny Robin never finished eating the front door made from lollipops and Damibird remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Damibird."

"Not so fast," said Dick. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from potatoes. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the robins. He won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said Dick.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Damibird back."

Dick ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from potatoes and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.

Dick sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained Dick. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When Dick's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from potatoes. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, Dick was down to the final piece of the door made from potatoes. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Dick had eaten the entire front door of the house made from potatoes.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over Damibird or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

Dick hurried over and grabbed Damibird, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Damibird was unharmed.

Dick thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Bruce. It was starting to get dark.

When Dick got to Bruce's house, his adoptive father threw his arms around him.

"I was so worried!" cried Bruce. "You are very late."

As Dick described his day, he could tell that Bruce didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.

"What's that?" asked Bruce.

Dick unwrapped a doorknob made from biscuits. "Pudding!" he said.

Bruce almost fell off his chair.

The End


	2. Destructive Dragon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A weird medieval fantasy au starring Jason, Dick and Timmers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again this was generated by an AI.  
> Hope you enjoy this weird ass story.

**Destructive Dragon**

A Screenplay by nephao

EXT. GOTHAM - AFTERNOON

Nerd hero LORD JASON TODD-WAYNE is arguing with smart hero LORD DICK GRAYSON-WAYNE. JASON tries to hug DICK but he shakes him off.

JASON

Please Dick, don't leave me.

DICK

I'm sorry Jason, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.

JASON

I am such a person!

DICK frowns.

DICK

I'm sorry, Jason. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.

DICK leaves.

JASON sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, kind tech guy LORD TIM DRAKE-WAYNE barges in looking flustered.

JASON

Goodness, Tim! Is everything okay?

TIM

I'm afraid not.

JASON

What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...

TIM

It's ... a dragon ... I saw an evil dragon eat a bunch of children!

JASON

 _Defenseless_ children?

TIM

Yes, defenseless children!

JASON

*******, Tim! We've got to do something.

TIM

I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.

JASON

You can start by telling me where this happened.

TIM

I was...

TIM fans himself and begins to wheeze.

JASON

Focus Tim, focus! Where did it happen?

TIM

Wayne Manor! That's right - Wayne Manor!

JASON springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

JASON rushes along the street, followed by TIM. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

INT. WAYNE MANOR - SHORTLY AFTER

THE JOKER a destructive dragon terrorises two children.

JASON, closely followed by TIM, rushes towards THE JOKER, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

TIM

What is is? What's the matter?

JASON

That's not just any old dragon, that's The Joker!

TIM

Who's The Joker?

JASON

Who's The Joker? Who's The Joker? Only the most destructive dragon in the universe!

TIM

Blinkin' knickers, Jason! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most destructive dragon in the universe!

JASON

You can say that again.

TIM

Blinkin' knickers, Jason! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most destructive dragon in the universe!

JASON

I'm going to need batarangs, lots of batarangs.

THE turns and sees Jason and Tim. He grins an evil grin.

THE

Jason Todd-Wayne, we meet again.

TIM

You've met?

JASON

Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young JASON is sitting in a park listening to some Bach music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees THE. He takes off his headphones.

THE JOKER

Would you like some oreos?

JASON's eyes light up, but then he studies THE more closely, and looks uneasy.

JASON

I don't know, you look kind of destructive.

THE JOKER

Me? No. I'm not destructive. I'm the least destructive dragon in the world.

JASON

Wait, you're a dragon?

JASON runs away, screaming.

INT. WAYNE MANOR - PRESENT DAY

THE

You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.

TIM

(To JASON) You ran away?

JASON

(To TIM) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

JASON turns to THE JOKER.

JASON

I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!

JASON runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

JASON

I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with batarangs.

THE JOKER

I'm not scared of you.

JASON

You should be.

EXT. GRAVEYARD - LATER THAT DAY

JASON and TIM walk around searching for something.

JASON

I feel sure I left my batarangs somewhere around here.

TIM

Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly batarangs.

JASON

You know nothing Tim Drake-Wayne.

TIM

We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, THE appears, holding a pair of batarangs.

THE JOKER

Looking for something?

TIM

Crikey, Jason, he's got your batarangs.

JASON

Tell me something I don't already know!

TIM

The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

JASON

I know that already!

TIM

I’m a caffeine addict.

THE JOKER

(appalled) Dude!

While THE JOKER is looking at TIM with disgust, JASON lunges forward and grabs his deadly batarangs. He wields them, triumphantly.

JASON

Prepare to die, you destructive turnip!

THE JOKER

No please! All I did was eat a bunch of children!

DICK enters, unseen by any of the others.

JASON

I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those children were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Jason Todd-Wayne defender of innocent children.

THE JOKER

Don't hurt me! Please!

JASON

Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these batarangs on you right away!

THE JOKER

Because Jason, I am your father.

JASON looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

JASON

No you're not!

THE JOKER

Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

THE JOKER tries to grab the batarangs but JASON dodges out of the way.

JASON

Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?

Unexpectedly, THE JOKER slumps to the ground.

TIM

Did he just faint?

JASON

I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly batarangs.

JASON crouches over THE's body.

TIM

Be careful, Jason. It could be a trick.

JASON

No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... The Joker is dead!

JASON

What?

JASON

Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.

TIM claps his hands.

TIM

So your batarangs did save the day, after all.

DICK steps forward.

DICK

Is it true? Did you kill the destructive dragon?

JASON

Dick how long have you been...?

DICK puts his arm around JASON.

DICK

Long enough.

JASON

Then you saw it for yourself. I killed The Joker.

DICK

Then the children are safe?

JASON

It does seem that way!

A crowd of vulnerable children enter, looking relived.

DICK

You are their hero.

The children bow to JASON.

JASON

There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that The Joker will never eat children ever again, is enough for me.

DICK

You are humble as well as brave!

One of the children passes JASON a platinum sword

DICK

I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

JASON

I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

JASON

Well, if you insist.

JASON takes the sword.

JASON

Thank you.

The children bow their heads once more, and leave.

JASON turns to DICK.

JASON

Does this mean you want me back?

DICK

Oh, Jason, of course I want you back!

JASON smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

JASON

Well you can't have me.

DICK

WHAT?

JASON

You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a dragon to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

DICK

But...

JASON

Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Tim.

TIM grins.

DICK

But...

TIM

You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

DICK

Jason?

JASON

I'm sorry Dick, but I think you should skidaddle.

DICK leaves.

TIM turns to JASON.

TIM

Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?

JASON

Of course you are!

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly TIM stops.

TIM

When I said I don't want to leave you, you know I was just trying to distract the dragon don't you?

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am DONE with editing this chapter. It was so annoying and the wi-fi died. Also the joker was written as OF CRIME. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. and I fixed each one individually. - Neph
> 
> Thanks for reading.   
> R&R please.


	3. Dick the Kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn't even a short fic. It is a blurb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so weird. And still AI generated.
> 
> Have a nice day.

**Dick The Kind**

A Crime Blurb

by NephandAli

It was a time of terror. Vile humans would kill each other in the street.

Only one man knows how to stop the terror. One kind, flexible man - Dick Grayson.

Dick is a 23-year-old police officer from Gotham with a thirst for plates.

He knows that to stop the vile humans from continuing their dastardly deeds, he must betray his abrasive brother, Jason Todd.

He gives up his chaotic life and travels to Bludhaven where he attends an important gala and acquires some throwing knives.

However, the end of the world approaches, and time is running out for Dick. He is left with two options: stop the vile humans in one hour, or allow the world to end in a ball of fire.


End file.
